Content warning: This article discusses mental health. 

Being lonely has affected every aspect of 20-year-old David’s life. 

He feels debilitated in his studies, has changed his job, and started going to therapy. 

“My work felt less meaningful and like I didn’t get recognised because I was less close with co-workers.”

While he’s always struggled to navigate friendships and recalls feeling lonely at certain points of his life when he was younger, David says for the last year-and-a-half, the loneliness has been the worst it’s ever been. 

David, who asked for his real name not to be shared for privacy reasons, isn’t alone in his loneliness. 

Loneliness is reaching epidemic levels in NZ

The recent Breaking Barriers study, commissioned by Age Concern, found that loneliness in New Zealand is reaching epidemic levels. 

In New Zealand, loneliness is highest among those 15 to 24. 

Researchers have found that the effects of loneliness increase the likelihood of premature mortality.

It’s also been found that those who are lonely are 40% more likely to be diabetic, 13% more likely to smoke, 20% more likely to be less physically active, and 31% more likely to have high cholesterol. 

Loneliness can also be related to social anxiety, depression, paranoia, dementia, and obsessive-compulsive symptoms.

It has become so much of an issue in some countries around the world such as the UK and Japan that they have appointed a Government Minister specifically for it and there’s calls for New Zealand to do the same. 

David lives in Auckland and he says social groups there tend to be quite exclusive and like a clique. 

“I find it less accepting. There’s this whole idea of ‘we don’t need anymore people in our friend group’. 

“You have to be like everybody else [in the group] to be considered.”

Through therapy David says he has been working on self acceptance. Because while he is quite confident in himself he doesn’t want to lose that. 

“I’m learning how to hold on to that in periods when I’m feeling excluded and learning ways to approach new groups that I’m not familiar with or accessing other groups that share interests with me.” 

Loneliness affects all age groups

Loneliness New Zealand was founded in 2018 when through bullying and suicide statistics the issue of loneliness became prominent. 

Loneliness New Zealand chief executive Cathy Comber says loneliness affects all age groups and is particularly high within LGBTQI+ communities and among people with disabilities.

Loneliness isn’t about how many friends you’ve got or being in a family, sometimes it’s that you’ve got so low within your own wellbeing that it affects all other areas of your life, Comber says. 

“And there’s a loneliness loop where you push people away. Loneliness isn’t just a matter of finding more friends for people.”

“It’s about focusing not just on how do we connect them with people, but it's about how confident they feel in groups and if they have the capacity to embrace new situations and challenges.”

Comber says it’s still early days when it comes to research for what is the best intervention for loneliness.

But because loneliness affects all age groups, it needs to be looked at from an individual approach rather than a one-size-fits-all when it comes to support, she says. 

“It could be something as simple as needing a hearing aid to engage in conversation more or access to public transport.“

Loneliness has an element of mental health, Comber says, and the more lonely you are, the more reserved you will become in groups or areas where there are plenty of opportunities to meet other people. 

People are also scared to pick up the phone or talk to strangers on a bus, she says. 

“Start by having conversations in the supermarket queue, small short conversations with strangers can be meaningful.

“We can do so much as a society but we still need people to put themselves forward at an individual level.”

Where to get help:

• 1737: The nationwide, 24/7 mental health support line. Call or text 1737 to speak to a trained counsellor.
• Suicide Crisis Line: Free call 0508 TAUTOKO or 0508 828 865. Nationwide 24/7 support line operated by experienced counsellors with advanced suicide prevention training. 
• Youthline: Free call 0800 376 633, free text 234. Nationwide service focused on supporting young people.
• OUTLine NZ: Freephone 0800 OUTLINE (0800 688 5463). National service that helps LGBTIQ+ New Zealanders access support, information and a sense of community. 

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