I’m learning to speak up during sex and it's hot

“Looking back, I definitely don't think I enjoyed the majority of the sex that I was having during that hoe phase,” says Ash Williams, Auckland’s self proclaimed ‘Bad Bitch’.

“Every single encounter, I would say I was internally being like, ‘I don't like this or I wish you would stop doing that’. But I didn’t know what communication was back then because I'd never really tried it and I'd never been brought up like that.”

Growing up in a religious household, sex wasn’t something Ash’s family talked about. Or if they did, she was taught sex was painful and something that could ruin her life.

So for a long time Ash had a fear of intimacy and was in the dark about how to speak up during sex.

But now, at 27, she’s discovering what she likes and doesn’t like in bed - and how to communicate that.

“There's this societal pressure to be submissive or to please the man. But no, fuck that. You're there to get your needs met too.”

You can hear more stories like this in The Good Sex Project, an eight-part podcast series about how we can figure out how to have good sex and relationships. 

This series is produced by Popsock Media and Stuff with video content from us!

The Good Sex Project was made with support from NZ On Air.

Listen to Good Sex Project where you get your good podcasts.

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No, that's not a coat hanger, tailbone or the fallopian tube. That my friend, is the clitoris.

The clitoris: Explained

What we all may think is the clitoris - is just the tip of the iceberg.

What sex advice would you give to your younger self?

“As a bloke, perhaps I'd say to blokes, it's all about the woman.”

https://youtu.be/w6tP5GLe6xA