Horny on Main is a place to unpack and explore the complicated and messy territories of sex, love and intimacy. It’s not just for the horndogs, it’s for anyone who has wondered something quietly to themselves but hasn’t been able to put that thought to words. It’s putting it all out there in the open, matter of fact, clear as day, horny on main. 

Together, Melody Thomas and Elena Beets help answer all your sticky questions. Today’s question is:

Melody: Love it! Love to talk astrology. Love to pretend I don’t reaaaaally believe in it while also pinpointing every trait in the people around me that aligns with their signs…

Elena: Yeah I’m pretty middle-of-the-bisexual-arts-student-road when it comes to astrology, meaning I likely know more about it than the average joe but still don’t tend to use it to dictate my life.

Back to your question: I would say it’s maybe not ok to solely let someone’s sign dictate that choice… but I don’t think it’s wrong to take it into consideration. If you meet someone and they’re amazing and lovely to you, everything is great but you then find out their sign is one that you normally avoid and you consider ending it all on that piece of information then I would say that it is a little wild. But there is so much random stuff we let influence who we choose to be our sexual partner, like what shoes someone wears or if they happen to be at the same bar as us. What’s another caveat to add to the mix! 

Melody: Yeah, there’s a difference between “I seem to not be compatible with Leos” and “I will never date a Leo”. If you go into a relationship—sexual or romantic—with super strong ideas about how the other person is going to be then you’re likely to only see the things that reinforce your pre-existing beliefs, and possibly overlook the things that challenge them. You’ve got to be open to people surprising you.

Elena: Agreed. It’s well worth giving something/someone a go if it feels good, despite what the stars and planets may say—your own sense of knowing and intuition deserves some credit too. 

Melody: The hardcore astrologists will know this already but in case you didn’t, judging someone based on their star sign only also oversimplifies astrology. Your “Star Sign”—the one you use to read your horoscope—is actually your Sun Sign and it’s just one of a whole lot of signs that make up your birth chart. I have Capricorn, Scorpio, Taurus and Pisces in mine. Depending on where those signs fall, they have an impact on different areas of your life. Mars is the planet of aggression, passion and energy, and Venus is love and romance—so if you’re looking for clues about your sexual compatibility you’ll want to look at those placements.

Elena: If your passion for astrology is a vital part of who you are and a non-negotiable for partners then all it means is that you’ll likely refine your dating pool further, because people who don’t believe might not be keen to date you either. Some people are chill and respectful about others' interests in the more mystical side of things, but there are also those people that get super infuriated by this stuff and want to spend like 15 minutes at the party telling you why it’s stupid. Don’t worry about them, they’re really not the vibe. 

Melody: Yeah, this question did make me think more generally about beliefs, though, and whether you need to believe in the same things to be compatible. I reckon we can overfocus on compatibility sometimes, and that differences are where a lot of magic and passion happens, but every individual is going to have certain areas where they require agreement. Like I don’t think my partner would have to believe in or care about astrology, but if they’re out here questioning the ongoing impacts of colonisation on tangata whenua or the fact that trans rights are human rights then we will not be hanging out, let alone boning. 

Elena: Definitely, the excitement and eroticism of difference only stretches so far, which is why it’s important to talk about your beliefs and ideas with partners relatively early on…find out if there are some major red flags there before you're totally invested.

I’d also say that if you’re someone who normally looks for any reason that a potential partner isn’t right, then maybe you’ll want to be careful about adding more things to your list of possible downfalls. If you’re sniffing them out, you will always find them!

And finally, it’s good to remember that someone’s past life experiences can really shape them in a way that may conflict with what their birth chart might indicate. Be careful putting all your decision making power in the stars (hands praying emoji).

Send your questions through to hornyonmain@renews.co.nz or DM us on the Re: Instagram or Facebook account, and just mention it’s a question for Horny on Main. It helps if you can give us some personal details like age, gender, sexuality. All questions will be treated in confidence and kept strictly anonymous.

Illustration by Mil Hampy. 

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