My Christian fundamentalist upbringing in Auckland

Content warning: This video mentions mental health, sexual themes, and Christian fundamentalism.

Growing up, Rhesa Simmons was taught girls do not make decisions for themselves. Once they leave the care of their fathers, they would be under the care of their husbands. 

“I’ve never been to school,” she says. 

“I was told it would be a waste of everyone’s time if I did further education because the plan was for me to have as many children as possible and stay at home. Basically, you don’t need an education to breastfeed so why bother?”

Rhesa’s Christian fundamentalist upbringing might remind you of those documentaries about extreme religious groups in the United States. But Rhesa grew up in Auckland.

She says her extremely conservative childhood restricted her healthcare, education, and even what she could or couldn’t wear. 

On her 13th birthday, she says she was given a purity ring which was a sign to everyone around her that she was a virgin and she was going to stay a virgin until marriage. 

“The whole concept of the purity ring negated consent; we never learned what consent was,” she says.

“It was a ‘no’ [to sex] until the day you get married and then from that point on it’s always a ‘yes’ to that one person and no one else and it’s never a ‘no’ again.”

Her younger sister, Nissi Simmons, says their upbringing made them feel like “rape almost wasn’t a thing in some ways because consent didn’t matter”. 

Rhesa is now 25 years old and has distanced herself from Christian fundamentalism.

Reflecting on her childhood, she says cutting herself off from the religion and most of her family felt terrifying and vulnerable.

But it means she now has choices she never thought she could have as a young girl. 

“I knew that I didn’t want the future that I was supposed to have. That path is something that I can not tolerate, I know that I can’t live through that.

“[Leaving is] not easy but it is empowering,” she says.

“I know that there are good things in my future that I am going to choose for myself.”

Where to get help:

• 1737: The nationwide, 24/7 mental health support line. Call or text 1737 to speak to a trained counsellor.
• Suicide Crisis Line: Free call 0508 TAUTOKO or 0508 828 865. Nationwide 24/7 support line operated by experienced counsellors with advanced suicide prevention training. 
• Youthline: Free call 0800 376 633, free text 234. Nationwide service focused on supporting young people.
• OUTLine NZ: Freephone 0800 OUTLINE (0800 688 5463). National service that helps LGBTIQ+ New Zealanders access support, information and a sense of community. 

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