Horny on Main is a place to unpack and explore the complicated and messy territories of sex, love and intimacy. It’s not just for the horndogs, it’s for anyone who has wondered something quietly to themselves but hasn’t been able to put that thought to words. It’s putting it all out there in the open, matter of fact, clear as day, horny on main. 

Together, Melody Thomas and Elena Beets help answer all your sticky questions. Today’s question is just one word: 

Elena: A simple and elegant question.

Melody: Straight to the point. It is slightly difficult to interpret exactly what you are wanting to find out due to the lack of context, but we’re going to take it as a “To peg or not to peg” kind of deal, and maybe a little “Pegging: What’s up with that?” As we’ve talked about before, it does seem to be the era of the ass and pegging is just another of the many items to explore on the butt-stuff menu.

Elena:  For anyone who has started reading this and is like, “What on earth is pegging?!” Pegging usually refers to the act of a woman anally penetrating a man with a strap on dildo. 

I’ve been trying to remember when and how this concept became part of my sexual vocabulary, the front runner is definitely that episode of Broad City where Abby uses a strap on her neighbour (at his request) and Ilana is so stoked about her friends foray into pegging that she does a parkour backflip.

Melody: An iconic episode. If you haven’t seen Broad City already please, treat yourself. 

It’s probably worth mentioning that neither Elena or I have tried this personally, though there are lots of first-person testimonies online if you want to read it straight from the horse’s mouth. 

Anywho, the term pegging was invented by the readers/listeners of another sex advice column, one that is just *slightly* more famous and long-running than ours, Dan Savage’s Savage Lovecast. Dan challenged his audience to invent a term for the act in 2001, as a way of separating it out from similar queer sex acts — so specifically talking about the opposite-sex act of a female penetrating a male anally. Peg won out over ‘bob’ and ‘punt’... Thank goodness. It’s a perfect name.

Elena: Before we get into “To peg or not to peg?” let’s start with a general “Why do people do it?”

Number one: it can feel GOOD. For us humans, that is often really all it takes for us to want to do something — we loooove feeling good. If the man being penetrated has a prostate, that is most likely being stimulated by the anal penetration. The prostate can produce intense levels of pleasure, some men are even able to orgasm without touching their penises if their prostate is being stimulated. It’s kind of like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that is someone’s anus. 

Melody: It can also feel physically good for the person wearing the strap on, with the motion of rocking back and forth while the base of the toy rubs against your genitals. That isn’t a sensation you get from simply holding the dildo with your hand and penetrating your partner. 

Elena: For some people the thrill of experiencing sex from a new ‘position’ is enough to get them hot and bothered. Again speaking in the case of opposite-sex penetrative sex, it can be hot to do the other part of sex that you might not normally be on the receiving end of! Her: ‘Wow I am really fucking you right now’ Him: ‘Wow I am really getting fucked right now’. 

In saying this, it’s important to note, that we don’t prescribe to the notion that the party being penetrated is simply passive and not actively fucking their partner also — the above exchange could also be felt if the woman was riding the man during vaginal sex. One position is not inherently dominant over the other, despite what every bit of media on earth seems to tell us, but there is a difference in experience between the penetrator and penetrated. A difference that pegging allows people to explore.

Melody: I had a cool message from a guy on Insta who talked about how being penetrated helped him to know more about how it feels to penetrate someone else… Knowledge which made him more understanding and careful towards his partners moving forward. Being penetrated as a potentially feminist act is an idea I like a lot! Can I ask Elena, is pegging something you’re personally curious about and/or would be keen to try? 

Elena: I mean I do really love butts. I used to totally not get it — wouldn’t even notice when one walked by. But one day it just clicked, and I had a whole new world to marvel at and enjoy. Pegging is definitely in my realm of ‘let's give it a whirl’ if I had a partner who was interested too, but not something that features regularly in my fantasies — maybe not yet. 

What about you?

Melody: I have been thinking about this a lot. You know I’m more of a sub so the idea hasn’t crossed my mind too much, but a lot of what I’ve been reading and what people have been talking to me about over on Instagram has been really fascinating. Especially the psychological aspect of it. 

I read one woman talking about how cool it was to be on top of her partner with him writhing about and moaning in pleasure underneath her. Like you mentioned, potentially that description could also apply if a woman was just riding on top, but it feels like there is something else to it. I think it may be the vulnerability of your partner in that situation and the trust they’re putting in you. Just the idea of having someone on their knees, completely enslaved to the pleasure I’m giving them. Ummm… that sounds interesting!

I haven’t tried pegging, but I do know from experience that trying anything which requires you to get really vulnerable, in a trusted relationship, can be so nice for bringing you closer. Especially if one or both of you aren’t used to making themselves vulnerable in that way. 

Elena: Some people do choose to lean into the power-play and the BDSM potential of pegging. Part of what they enjoy about pegging is taking on a submissive role and they’ll play into that beyond simply being penetrated. They may want their partner wearing the strap to order them around, or they might like to be penetrated quite aggressively, or for the pegging to involve other potentially masochistic acts like spanking. 

But this is not everyone! Pegging can be slow and sensual if you want it to be. 

Melody: For sure and even if you think that aggressive domination is what you’re after, do NOT start with that! The anus is really sensitive to tearing, and anal penetration does take some getting used to. Also penetrating someone isn’t always as straightforward as it seems either — there’s technique, not just ramming. So start slow and small — with buckets of lube — and slowly work your way up to that.

Elena: Yes! Always lube but especially in this situation. Like, a LOT of lube. You know in cooking when they’re like, “Start with a pinch you can always add more.” Do the opposite of that! 

Always check what sort of lube you need to use for the equipment you’re working with, for example many people like silicon based lubricant as it does not absorb as fast as water-based which is great for anal penetration. However silicon lube shouldn’t be used with silicon dildo as it breaks down the rubber of the toy over time. 

Melody: Communicate, obviously, always. You might even like to have a safe word handy, even if you aren’t bringing BDSM power dynamics into play. Having go-to words for “slow down but keep going” and “stop immediately” can help both parties feel more comfortable (the traffic light system is a classic). 

Elena: And be prepared to experiment. It’s probably going to take a second to get a hang of this, eg. finding the rhythm and positions that work for both parties, or maybe the strap on you first bought gets really uncomfy after like five minutes of humping. There are many different combinations of positions and equipment to try.

Melody: A lot of the people I’ve spoken with, or read about, talk about pegging being really fun and wonderful. A couple of them sounded like this became a regular in their sexy repertoire, but for many others pegging — fun as it was — wasn’t something they went on to do regularly just because of all the things you need to consider. 

Who knows, you might try it and realise it’s totally your thing or you might just be like “that was fun and now I know more about what I’m asking for when I ask HER for anal sex”.

Elena: Exactly, sometimes an experience is valuable just for the chance to walk a mile in someone else’s sexual shoes.

Melody: Either way, have fun! Let us know how it goes if you do try… especially if you discover that pegging is right up your alley ;)

Send your questions through to hornyonmain@renews.co.nz or DM us on the Re: Instagram or Facebook account, and just mention it’s a question for Horny on Main. It helps if you can give us some personal details like age, gender, sexuality. All questions will be treated in confidence and kept strictly anonymous.

Illustration by Mil Hampy. 

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