By Elena Beets and Melody Thomas
Today we launch the new Re: sex advice column, Horny on Main. You can read the first instalment, How do I get my libido back after being totally not keen this pandemic? here.
But first, you can get to know our advice columnists, Melody Thomas and Elena Beets.
These days just about everyone is horny on main, proudly sharing thirst traps alongside family snaps and declaring their desire to be railed in a sundress on the same socials where their boss hangs out.
We think this is excellent, but there are still a lot of things we struggle to talk about openly.
Being human is complicated. What we want to do is often at odds with what we think we should do. We tell others to dump them when we know we couldn’t do the same. We preach sex positivity but find ourselves stubbornly silent when a sexual interaction heads in a direction we don’t like. We know we can’t be the only ones struggling with vaginismus, erectile dysfunction, or just not being that into sex, and yet we feel incredibly, shamefully alone.
Human sexuality is also wonderfully weird. Why do we have unbearably steamy sex dreams about people we find boring in real life? How do you explain why the feel of a polished floor underfoot or the sound of a loud keyboard turns us on?
Horny on Main is a place to unpack and explore the complicated and messy territories of sex, love and intimacy. It’s not just for the horndogs, it’s for anyone who has wondered something quietly to themselves but hasn’t been able to put that thought to words. There’s no wink wink nudge nudge. It’s putting it all out there in the open, matter of fact, clear as day, horny on main.
Together, Melody Thomas and Elena Beets help answer all your sticky questions, like:
- How do I have safe casual sex in the time of Covid?
- Am I weird for not being that into sex?
- My boyfriend wants to try anal but I’m too scared! Where do we start?
- How do I deal with my partner having a lower sex drive than me without resenting them?
About us
Melody Thomas and Elena Beets met through the award-winning sex, sexuality and relationships podcast BANG!, which Melody created and hosted for RNZ.
Melody Thomas, one half of the advice team behind Horny on Main. Illustration: Melody Thomas
Melody is a broadcaster and writer who’s been obsessed with sex and love since she was little. For BANG!, Melody set out on a mission to learn more about what gets people off and what holds them back, speaking with everyday New Zealanders in detail about their sex and love lives. She also spoke with sex therapists, academics and experts, piecing together a fascinating picture of human sexuality in New Zealand, which covered off everything from having “the talk” as children through to sex in retirement homes.
Elena Beets, a real-life Otis from Sex Education. Illustration: Melody Thomas
Elena is a sociology graduate who grew up fascinated by what happened behind closed doors, and the daughter of not one, but two sex and relationship therapists (these two things may be related). Elena has given sex and love advice to her friends since well before she had any experience with either, but at university she made it official by writing a sex advice column for Salient alongside her Dad.
After BANG!, Melody and Elena became close friends, bonding over their shared sex obsession and commitment to responsible hedonism. They are pākeha, cisgender bi babes who come from different generations and life stages: Melody is 36 with two kids, and is married to the guy she’s been sleeping with exclusively for 15 years. Lena is 24, single and had always described herself as ‘born horny’, until lockdown and mental health struggles saw vibing take a back seat to surviving (turns out questioning every part of who you are isn’t as sexy as the movies make it out to be).
Think of them as the cool, slutty aunty you confide in when you can’t talk to anyone else, and the corrupt cousin who actually tells you the truth when no-one else wants to.
But! They recognise that as Pākehā cisgender women there are many questions they can’t answer. So they will regularly interview key people who will provide answers to all things Melody and Lena can’t speak to.
The potentially shameful grey areas in sex and love are difficult to talk about, with partners, friends or even ourselves. But it’s often the things we struggle to say that contain the best opportunity for us to connect with others. And connection is one of the best things… like ever.
Send your questions through to hornyonmain@renews.co.nz or DM us on the Re: Instagram or Facebook account, and just mention it’s a question for Horny on Main. All questions will be treated in confidence and kept strictly anonymous.
Illustration by Mil Hampy.
More stories: