Why translating for parents can force kids to grow up too fast

Content warning: This article discusses mental health, anxiety and depression.

Growing up, Lisa wanted her parents to be her heroes - the ones she could go to for help whenever she needed. Instead her parents have relied on her to be their translator since she was a kid.

New Zealand-born Lisa, who asked us to not use her real name for privacy reasons, says she’s been translating for her South Korean parents to help them navigate matters in healthcare, finance, business and education.

She says her parents used to run a business and her dad would ask her to explain legal documents at the age of eight.

Child language brokers are children or young people who translate and interpret cultural differences for their parents, siblings or friends who don’t speak the local language.

There is limited research in New Zealand about the impacts of language brokering on children but a 2014 US study looked into its mental health risks and 310 bilingual undergraduate students participated in the study — 74 of them were language brokers.

The research found that overall, language brokers had higher levels of depression compared with the bilingual students who weren’t language brokers.

The study also found that bilingual young adults who served as language brokers, particularly during their pre-adolescent years, had higher levels of anxiety than those who didn’t.

When the child has to parent

Lisa says she would look things up on Google to help her dad understand complex business concepts, but she would not have the words in her mother tongue to explain it to him.

The 26-year-old says she still helps her parents, and she’s still grappling with her perception of them.

“Because of society’s standards of what competence is, I can’t help but be influenced by that and perceive my parents to be less knowledgeable, less intelligent, less able because of their language.

“It’s a really shitty position to be in… There will always be this part of me that will never be able to forget I’ve had to be a parent.”

A change in family dynamics

Cross-cultural psychologist Rita Chi-Ying Chung (鍾賜英) says in these situations, the child can also become the adult in the family which can change family dynamics. This can manifest in different ways.

She says parents might feel like they’re losing power and feel frustrated because of that reliance.

For example, when a child has to deliver difficult news, like being denied a mortgage or telling an older family member they have cancer, she says parents may end up taking their frustration out on them.

“The child is put in the situation where they have to tell their parents that news. The parent will obviously be upset. And they scream or shout or raise their voice at the child saying,’You’re saying it wrong’… [It’s] a difficult situation for everybody.”

Chung, who’s also an adjunct psychology professor at Victoria University, says parents’ expectations can be so high, so children may feel guilty or inadequate when they can’t translate complex ideas.

“The demand, the mental health issues, that depression, and anxiety, distress continues for some [well into adulthood because] the parent [may have] a lifelong dependency.”

Some may look back at their lives feeling like they’ve lost their childhood and may grow to resent their parents, she says.

Chung says each case is different and not all child language brokers will experience psychological distress.

Children are being expected to enter an ‘adult world’

Auckland University senior lecturer Angel Chan, who researches identity and language, says child language brokers are expected “to enter into an adult world” and be part of conversations that aren’t always appropriate.

“Parents will rely on the children to do all sorts of application forms, or even going to the doctor’s and some of these conversations can be hard for children and they may not have the terminology as well.”

Chan hopes the professionals in these situations will make the right call by finding an adult translator.

But she says there are positives to being able to speak their native language, such as a healthy sense of identity, knowing their heritage and being able to communicate with loved ones in their home country.

Chan says research has also shown bilingual people think more flexibly and are able to negotiate cultures and languages easier.

‘They’re trying to do the best they can’

Maria, who asked us to not use her real name for privacy reasons, is a 1.5 generation Filipino immigrant who has helped translate education and workplace matters for her parents since she was eight.

“I remember being quite… like frustrated [as a kid] that I had to do it because it’d be late at night.

“But it felt like it was just a thing that we do… It just felt part of what it meant to be a part of this family.”

The 28-year-old says she wonders how it made her parents feel having to ask for their children’s help.

“I don’t think my parents would have asked me unless they had to… They’re also trying to do the best they can, not saying that… it excuses some of the things we have to do.”

Maria says that as she gets older, she’s realised she won’t have to rely on her child and it makes her grateful for her parents’ sacrifice.

“I think it just makes me feel a little bit more aware of the realities of what it took for my parents to migrate to a new country.”

Where to get help:

1737: The nationwide, 24/7 mental health support line. Call or text 1737 to speak to a trained counsellor.
Suicide Crisis Line: Free call 0508 TAUTOKO or 0508 828 865. Nationwide 24/7 support line operated by experienced counsellors with advanced suicide prevention training.
Youthline: Free call 0800 376 633, free text 234. Nationwide service focused on supporting young people.
OUTLine NZ: Freephone 0800 OUTLINE (0800 688 5463). National service that helps LGBTIQ+ New Zealanders access support, information and a sense of community.

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