Content warning: This article discusses sexual assault, drugging and stalking.
“You're a sexual deviant. Obviously, you want this to happen. What did you expect? If you're queer, you're going to have bad things happen like this.”
Those were a few of the things Gwen Powell says some people she knew said to her after she was sexually assaulted and stalked.
New research from Victim Support released today shows New Zealand has a pervasive culture of victim blaming.
It found victim blaming has lasting, destructive impacts and victims are most likely to be blamed by their own family and friends.
Gwen says she was blamed for her own sexual assault
Gwen, who was a participant in the Victim Support research, is an intersex trans woman who grew up in Hamilton and lives in Auckland.
She spends her time as a kindergarten teacher, an activist and a house and techno DJ.
The 48-year-old says she loves music and describes DJing as a safe and special place for her.
But it was in that safe and special place a few years ago that Gwen says she had her drink spiked and was sexually assaulted.
She remembers waking up in a flowerbed after the incident.
“In this particular situation, the police were fantastic, the sexual abuse services available were amazing,” Gwen says.
She says it was the reactions of some people she knew that she found most challenging.
Gwen says she would often wear “risque” clothing when DJing, which was an empowering form of feminine self-expression for her.
The night she was assaulted, she says she wasn’t in revealing clothing and had opted for an ankle-length skirt and an elbow-length top.
But she says some people still blamed the assault on her usual choice of DJing clothes.
“It seemed every time I went somewhere, there was someone that wanted to basically say, ‘You did this. What did you expect, Gwen?’”
Gwen says she walked away crying after one person told her: “I would never ever let my daughters wear what you wear because this is what happens”.
She didn’t work for a long time after the assault because she felt like she lost her sense of self, she says.
“As a transgender woman, it made me question a lot of my decisions… Have I just created myself as a target by being my authentic self?”
When she eventually started DJing again, Gwen says her love for revealing clothing was gone.
“I'm fully covered in these places, even though I’m completely safe. I’m never going to get told it was me that caused it again,” she says.
“The impact of victim blaming goes on for a long time.”
Why friends and family are most likely to victim blame
Petrina Hargrave is the general manager of strategy and advocacy at Victim Support NZ, a nationwide support service, and says a lot of people think victim blaming is something that happens in the courts or by police.
The charity’s research, released today, found 61% of victim blaming comes from the victim’s family and friends.
It can cause relationships to break down, with victims losing trust in their support networks and feeling like a shell of their former selves, Hargrave says.
A lot of that blaming was indirect, suggesting people were unaware of their actions.
Blaming could look like criticising or lecturing the victim, suggesting the victim provoked the offender or saying they invited the crime.
“We like to believe that bad things can't happen to good people, and that helps us to protect that, to protect our own sense of invulnerability,” Hargrave says.
“By thinking that somebody else caused their own misfortune, it allows us to feel like that would never happen to us.”
Gwen was also harassed by NZ’s most prolific stalker
As well as the sexual assault, Gwen was stalked and harassed by Antonio Glen Castillano, also known as Glenn Green.
He is New Zealand’s most prolific stalker with more than 200 convictions spanning 30 years.
She says Castillano spent around six months sending her “horrendous messages” and making false allegations about her in social media posts.
In June this year, Castillano was sentenced to four years and two months imprisonment on multiple charges, relating to Gwen and other victims.
In both her stalking case and her sexual assault case, Gwen says she was in contact with Victim Support who were “like a backbone” when she gave her victim impact statement in court and are still providing her with support now.
She wishes some of the people she felt victim-blamed by had instead offered her the same sort of support.
‘Anyone can be blamed’
Victim blaming goes beyond gender and crime type, Victim Support’s research found.
The study included victims of road crashes, violence, theft, fraud, homicide and more.
“Victim blaming doesn't discriminate. Anyone can do it and anyone can be blamed,” Hargrave says.
Rainbow, Māori and disabled people in the study were more prone to harmful stereotypes which made them more prone to victim blaming, she says.
“Our beliefs about who the ideal victim is can perpetuate that victim blaming experience,” Hargrave says.
An “ideal victim” is someone who is generally female, physically weaker than their attacker and who has been attacked while doing something respectable in broad daylight, she says.
She says Gwen doesn’t necessarily meet the concept of an ideal victim and people made transphobic judgements about her when blaming her.
Hargrave says the male victims in the study had gendered experiences of victim blaming, such as being blamed for being raped by a woman.
‘Change the script’
Hargrave is calling on New Zealanders to “change the script” and think more carefully about how they respond to disclosures.
“Most of the victims in our study who are blamed, felt that they would not want to report any future crime,” Hargrave says.
Only 28% of crime incidents that occurred in 2023 were reported to the Police, according to the latest NZ Crimes and Victims survey.
Hargrave says victims have the right to seek help without fear of being blamed or punished.
“Some of them said that the actual victim blaming was worse than the crime itself,” she says.
Gwen wants other victims to know they are ‘valid’
Gwen says what she needed to hear most was: “We're sorry this has happened. It's not okay… But we'll work towards making it okay”.
“I don't think any of the people that have blamed me… for what has happened meant to blame me.
“I think in their own heads they were just trying to find a rationale as to why something has happened, when there was no rationale to begin with.”
Gwen says she wants victims who have been blamed to keep looking for the people who will help them.
“And when you find the right people, speak about it. Talk about it. Say what's going on. Don't hide it inside yourself like I did.”
Where to get help:
Victim Support is a free and confidential 24/7 service. Free call 0800 842 846.
Need to talk? 1737 is a 24/7 service offered by the Mental Health Foundation.
Lifeline 0800 543 354 or free text 4357 (HELP) 24/7.
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